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Author Archives: Elizabeth Nordquist

Opening My Eyes-Lent III

08 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in Lent, seeing

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angels, Lent, openness, seeing

IMG_3358I prayed that me eyes would be open this past week–to Holy Presence, to what I needed to see, to things I had not seen before. However, I found that it was not at all that simple. Many things competed to be seen and noticed every moment of every day, so I needed to add to my prayer, “Which lens are You giving me to use today? and what do You want me to savor and let sink into my consciousness in the days ahead?”

One day, with assistance from Christin Valters Paintner from her contemplative book Eyes of the Heart, I was caught by the lens of wonder, love and praise in the blueness in the world–cerulean, cobalt, cyan, cornflower, so many shades and hues that are part of creation, both divine and human, and in the intersections of those creative energies. I have had as a motto in my heart and on my refrigerator for many years: If you are going to be blue, be bright blue! The contemplation of that color, amongst so many colors, reminded me of the paradoxical nature of being a creature in God’s world–light and darkness, coexisting in our personal and collective lives. And I was thankful!

Another day I was overtaken by the lens of lament as I was thrust into the world of the commuter in which I spent much of my life and ministry. Freeway lanes and ramps, Metro platforms, parking lots, all  were jam packed with beings, and cars and trucks were laden with people on deadline heading toward their appointed rounds. For so many, stress lay head of them, and so many we know are  caught in systems of injustice and dead ends. Meanwhile, the news media on the radio counted out its tales of grief and horror as I drove, and I remembered Jesus lamenting over his city of vocation, Jerusalem, and his cry of prayer: Would that you knew the things that made for peace! I was led to praying in grief and sorrow that the Word of peace and hope would descend upon my city, my country, my county, even I prayed for the peace in Jerusalem and the rest of the world.

The lament became more personal another day when I heard of the untimely death of young man, someone my daughter’s age. The lens of grief and sorrow became my window into the world that day as I faced the realities of human frailty, brokenness and mortality. Once again I remembered how Jesus was present to me through that lens–meeting Mary and Martha at the tomb of their brother, Lazarus, and greeting Mary Magdalene in the garden of his own tomb. He bears our grief and carries our sorrows.

And then the lens of wholeness and healing opened up God’s presence to me on a day when I was able to notice places where the crooked had been made straight, where peace had come where there had been no peace, where the wounded had been made whole. A bereft friend is stepping into new life. A church community has opened itself to some new awareness of the presence of the Spirit. Traveling mercies, healing mercies, surprises of grace are attending the journeys of so many I can observe, as they commit themselves to the Good, toward the healing of the world. Grace abounds, and I can see the goodness of the Holy when I open my eyes.

In my Lenten journey I am seeking to open myself to the Presence of the Holy One within me and around me, and let the angels feed me. Opening my eyes, letting the Spirit gives me the lens for the moment, is allowing me to see that Holy One more clearly, and I am fed by the angels who embody what I can see of God’s ways in the world. I am blessed and grateful!

Opening my Ears-Lent II

01 Sunday Mar 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in Lent, listening, music, scripture

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angels, Holy Spirit, Lent, listening

ListenSantaFeI am practicing openness this Lent–opening myself to God’s presence and letting the angels feed me, as Ronald Rolheiser says. I have begun with the prayer “Open my ears, Lord.” I noticed first that hearing is not my primary sense organ. I rely much more on the eyes, so I have been surprise how often I have had to remind myself to LISTEN each day.

I am certainly not helped by the amount of noise that is around me no matter where I am in this city. Even in the still of the morning I can hear the hum of the freeway two blocks away, and the drone of helicopter and plane as they move over the air lanes toward the two airports with in reach. Often nature itself chimes in with gusty winds, dogs barking to protect their territory, even birds a-squabble in the trees that line my yard. My house has machines humming, doors opening and closing, and computers bursting with YouTube clips, yammering to be played.

The noise that is more insistent come from deep inside, the constant interior chatter of my monkey mind, full of primitive wisdom that is not longer useful, habitual emotional tracks without much basis in reality, and a hummingbird attention span that natters to be fed. So I am invited to LISTEN, an intention which takes time, space and practice.

In this week in which I have focused in listening, I have been mindful of the boy Samuel, who when hearing an intimation of the Holy One calling his name, responded, “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.” Along with that prayer, I also pray to discern among the madrigal threads that interweave in my brain and heart, “Which one is the voice of the Holy?” Barring an appearance from the Angel Gabriel, who does not seem to know my address, God speaks to me through other messengers.

I begin with sacred text…listening for the Word that shimmers, or rather rings a bell for me. I am loving the daily lectionary texts, this week from Deuteronomy and Hebrews, reminding me to remember and to rest, two spiritual practices that are not organic for me, but ones which deepen my awareness of the Holy. Once again John’s gospel gives me Jesus is a way that is inviting and compelling.

I hear Presence when I LISTEN to music in a whole-body way–the clarinet of Richard Stolzman, the chorales of the Orthodox monks—all inhabit my being with a sense of the sacred. Sometimes it is my own longing that is carried on the wail of Bonnie Raitt’s voice and guitar. But then, my heart can be  grounded and consoled by a Bach cantata. What I hear opens me to the Holy One.

I keep being reminded to LISTEN to my own heart. The Spirit is in residence there, a gift of God to keep me from being alone, to energize me, to direct me into the next right step. How baffling it is to get so separated from myself so easily, yet how clearly the flow of the Spirit emerges when I turn my heart of LISTEN, to my own heartbeat, and with J. Philip Newell, to the heartbeat of God. It is here where I come to know which ones of the many griefs of the world are mine to notice, to attend to, to act toward healing. It is here that I discover the invitations that have my name on them, and which ones can be let go. It is here that I face the unhealed and unworthy practices in me that call for a turning away and an asking forgiveness.

in the welter of noise that is the world I which I live, I am called to LISTEN in each capsule of time for the one thing necessary to recognize how the Holy One is here, and then to let the angels tune my heart and voice as they feed me. Open my ears, Lord, that I may hear your voice!

Openings in Lent-I

22 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in Lent

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angels, Lent, Open my heart, openness

images-9My heart was caught with these words in my preparation for Lent by Fr. Ronald Rolheiser in his introduction to the season in God For Us: Rediscovering the Meaning of Lent and Easter. He says:

It is a time to slowly prepare our souls. It is a time to open ourselves to the presence of God in our lives and let the angels feed us. (xiv).

Open…opening…opened. It has been a spiritual work of mine for years to set boundaries, boundaries determined by humility and call, boundaries set by faithfulness and responsibility, boundaries shaped by training and experience. So this Word comes to me as a surprise this season, yet it comes with force and resonance. I have a visceral response to it, as I notice the places that my muscles are taut and inelastic. I have an emotional response to it–one of anxiety about my vulnerability. I have a rational response to it, I who was given drink at the well of “good fences make good neighbors.” But I know there is an invitation for me here in this Lenten season.

I came late in my spiritual journey to Lenten practices; they were not part of the tradition of my imprinting. Yet, I have found them very helpful in focusing my musings and actions for well over 30 years now. However, the word OPEN is asking me to leave the practices in my life alone this year, let them stay as they are, but also pray into a less empirical, more organic practice of daily opening myself to the Presence of the Holy, without analyzing a list of what i have accomplished or not, and to pay attention to the places where the angels are feeding me.

In these first few days I am fumbling with his practice-that-is-not-a-practice, but I am noticing a few things already. I remember a song taught to me by a Roman Catholic sister, committed to social justice: Open my eyes, Lord, that I may see your face; Open my ears, Lord, that I may hear your voice. Open my heart, Lord, that I might love like you. Then, into what feels like a more ample space, I am able to notice without judging, the myriad ways that I experience the Holy One in me, for me, with me.

  • some sheer joy at the way the Spirit is healing and moving in someone else
  • some noticings of things unobserved before: a Bach oboe solo, a gathering of small yellow birds in front of my house, a delicious hamburger made by my son-in-law
  • some freedom after healing when I am called to greet the ghosts of days past
  • some new fascinations when I see how Word and art meet, in the museum or in my reading and conversation
  • some healthy awareness that I still need vigilance in the areas of envy, fear and acedia

My teacher and friend, Jan Richardson, tells me this week that:

In the wilderness, there are angels.

I have been fed by them: in a phone call, in an e-mail, in an unexpected smile, in a fresh brewed cup of coffee, in the writing of Ronald Rolheiser, in the synchronicity of my reading and doing, and in so many other places. In my openness I can see so many places where angels love to be in my life (Thank you, Jan!). So the call remains this year to be open–without a laundry list, anything that I can check off, and to notice when and where the Holy One and the angels show up.

I had just remembered this quotation form Anais Nin yesterday, when it was posted by a new Facebook friend, another slice of Angelfood:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/anais_nin.html#gBov25XfTZ5L8dHO.99

Yes, that is my Lenten invitation–to risk blossoming! Open my heart, O Holy One! I am ready for the angels to feed me!

How Will I Know The Way?

14 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in Discernment, pilgrimage

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

angels, Holy Spirit, pilgrimage, signs, social media

GrowIt’s always important to know where you are going…if possible! But Thomas, the friend of Jesus, poses my question: “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” (Jn.14:5). I am one who is on the journey, but often I am confused or just in the dark about a way forward.

Jesus refers his closest friends back to their journey with him already: “I am the way,” he says. It became a cliche several years back to ask one’s self “What would Jesus do?” But, in many ways we know how to go forward because we have already learned what is important. Jesus taught love, forgiveness, inclusiveness, kindness and compassion. None of those steps or actions can be the wrong steps, no matter where we find ourselves.

And he also promised that his close friends would experience the Spirit living within them, reminding them of the ways of love. In celebrating my retirement, my beloved friend Sandy preached a whiz-bang sermon, in which she likened the Holy Spirit to a spiritual GPS in our travels, giving us course correction, reminding us to back up and turn around, telling when we have taken a wrong route. I have experienced that GPS within me, making itself known in sacred reading, in quiet prayer, in conversation with others. It is a source of creative energy, a fountain which produces ideas that seem to come from nowhere, about how to love, when to be quiet, and ways to think outside the box about knotty problems.

That Spirit also sharpens my senses to signs along the way that I might not be aware of otherwise. While I traveled last fall in northern New Mexico, I came out of my room one morning to see the sign on the grass in front of my room. It invited me to GROW! There were no further instructions at that site, but I was challenged to muse on ways I can still grow. I see that I can still learn to strengthen my body so that I can walk and hike to places I never imagined. I have set myself reading that is beyond my comfort zone, so that my intellect is still gathering and processing points of view that I have never considered. Social media has allowed me to converse with and pray with and for people whom I have not met, but whose view from their location opens me to a wider caring and commitment to the healing of the world that God loves. Signs abound in my life with the Spirit lens with which to view them, and they lead me onward. How could I have known that installing a drought resistant garden in the front yard would bring me a more joyful appreciation of the varieties of creation and prompt me to a deeper commitment to the care of that creation and its resources?

I will know they ways by the journey itself, by the Spirit guide who accompanies me, and points me to signs. The artist Brian Andreas helps me know how to look for them:

I used to wait for a sign, she said, before I did anything. Then one night I had a dream & an angel in black tights came to me & said, you can start any time now, & then I asked is this a sign? & the angel started laughing & I woke up. Now, I think the whole world is filled with signs, but if there’s no laughter, I know they’re not for me….
Thanks be to God for the Spirit who shows us the sign, and fills us with laughter as we go!

 

Rest Stop

08 Sunday Feb 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in pilgrimage, retreat, Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

angels, Anne Lamott, community, pilgrimage

MotheringMost journeys require us to make stops along the way. I had such a need, maybe more of an invitation, to “come apart and rest for awhile” this week. A group of us who have been meeting for 10 years to muse and to pray took our annual retreat at Casa de Maria (House of Mary) Conference Center, in the centerpiece house (in some ways the Mother House) Immaculate heart Center, to reflect and pray with Anne Lamott’s book Stitches. We drove into the beautiful grounds through an alley of trees, turned into the driveway to which the open-armed Jesus pointed us, and rang the doorbell. Even though we have been there before, the opening of the door, the soft voice of welcome and the stone walls layered with the prayers of the faithful and unfaithful, the seekers and the long-time practitioners, the desperate and the certain, made as aware that we had come into sanctuary for the restoration and the replenishment we needed.

We have come to call ourselves the Ammas, after those mothers of Spirit so long ago who went to the desert to seek to become closer to the Holy One. What we found once again on this retreat was that we were there to receive the mothering care of God in the retreat center itself and in one another. The quiet and gifted staff offered us beautifully appointed beds in which to sleep, spacious windows for enjoying either the light coming in or the Tiepolo sunset over the ocean. The flowering of many plants, the flowing of the streams, the polyphonic bird calls, the buzzing of bees, the scent of fresh air and old oaks brought back memories of earlier days or introduced us to new facets of God’s creation which we had never known were there. The meals imagined and implemented by the Amazing Teresa and her crew likewise satisfied and nourished, even as they introduced us to tastes and textures that we had not imagined heretofore. It was a cradle of Grace and Blessing!

In addition to the place, we also found that we were mothers to one another. Lamott’s second chapter is called “The Overly Sensitive Child.” Not all of us would characterize ourselves that way, yet in remembering our childhoods. our earlier years, over the hours together, some of us became aware of the joys we hold close, the paths from which we have separated, and the wounds we have still carried. We are all grownups now, but in our hours of listening and pondering together, we were able to offer one another some affirmations for each one just the way she is; to weep with one another; to hug and to hold those who mourn; and to laugh uproariously with delight in each other. Although we are all mothers ourselves, grandmothers most of us, we played with scissors, paints, gluesticks, coffee filters, and Magic Markers. We sang together “How Can I Keep From Singing?” We held quiet space after hearing a sacred memoir. And we prayed—for those we love, for our communities, for the world, and for ourselves.

In part it was hard to leave, but another part was ready to go back to the flats where we work and love and are Christ’s hands and feet in the world. Yet, we left knowing that we had been mothered by the Spirit is a way that had fed us for the journey and strengthened us for the days ahead. As we left I remembered in my mind’s eye the sculpture I had met in Santa Fe last Fall on the Museum Plaza called “Mothering.” The Mother holds her child close to her, bringing her into the the wonder and work of the world that lies before her. I felt refreshed and accompanied to go with her after this Rest Stop. I re-enter my work, play and love with a grateful heart!

What Will I Take With Me?

30 Friday Jan 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in letting go, pilgrimage

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

angels, letting go, pilgrimage

images-4What do I need for this journey of Spirit? Stories of pilgrimage dance in my head: Wise Ones bringing precious gifts, slaves leaving Egypt in the dead of night with just what they could carry, Jesus’ disciples taking nothing with them. I remember the old adage, “You can’t take it with you.” But I live in an time and ethos of acquisition, where more is better and one always needs to be be prepared. There is a gizmo for everything and every gadget has its place.

Part of the call of the Spirit Road is the call to leave behind things that might seem to be essential for me when I am snug in my dwelling place, not so useful as I journey. Airplanes are making sure that we observe the limits of overload as we take flight from here to there. So they push me to travel lightly, with just what is necessary. On this leg of the journey of Spirit I am pondering what that is.

This week I am getting ready to go on retreat; I am leading the retreat and the pull of habit on me is to add just one more thing—to my basket of books, to my bag of surprises, to my words of inspiration. My shelves are lined with such wisdom, and my closets are overflowing with images and sounds I have saved for just the right time. And I have been sure that I need to shop for one more perfect thing. Yet, as the day of leaving gets closer, I am being directed to leaving some of those “darlings” behind, and to carry just what is necessary.

For this retreat only one thing is necessary: that I trust the movement of the Spirit in me and in the other retreatants. We have read the same book, are at home in sacred Hebrew and Christian scripture. Over 8 years of retreating together and meeting monthly for 10, we bring listening ears, perceptive eyes and open hearts. We bring memories of where we have been and the ways that the Spirit has met us.We also bring hope for what will be done in us and through us. We tote gentle songs in our voices, images in our imaginations and acute sensory awareness for all that will await us. This is the work of the Spirit!

So, I can travel lightly, unencumbered by the anxiety of needing to have thought of everything, free from the worry of covering every base, open to what the wind of the Spirit will blow into our midst. I will still have a few bags in my car, carrying a few things that remind me of the ways that Spirit Grace has brought me safely thus far. And I will bring a Word that has been blossoming me over these weeks of preparation.

However, I can travel with freedom–knowing Who goes with me and with whom I will celebrate and worship. G. K. Chesterton has said, “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”  Toward this retreat I would be one who flies…taking myself lightly and presuming on the mercy of the Spirit who lets me fly!

Who Is Going With Me?

22 Thursday Jan 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in pilgrimage

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

community, Nelle Morton, pilgrimage, social media

JColumbaBayPilgrimage has been my metaphor since I was a young woman. Providentially, I learned that image of traveling in faith as one of walking with the Holy One, not as a feat that has to be accomplished or a a goal that had to be achieved. As the late theologian Nelle Morton has said, “The journey is home!” So on this site, I continue a journey begun on another website, but this time I am on my own.

Traveling alone feels risky. However, I am very aware of the Spirit guides that are with me still. In making the transition I have had conversation partners whose questions, probing, and feedback about my blogging have shaped my discernment; they have asked me the hard questions of “why?” and “what are you called to do?” and “where do you experience freedom?” Some are wise ones with much personal experience in listening, then following the Voice of the Beloved as they navigate their way on the journey. Others are pragmatic, expert in technology and practical tips of the social media world. I also have been guided by voices in writing whom I have never met, as I have read poetry, reflections and teaching from writers in this season of Epiphany, those who have led me to pondering what it means to “go home by another way” or those who have invited me to step over the threshold into the next leg of the travel.

I also have as companions on this trek those whose places I frequent with regularity–the congregation with whom I worship, the group of Ammas with whom I meet, and, much to my surprise, I have a virtual community of prayer and reflection on social media and on e-mail. With each group I share prayers, the Word and words that teach me, challenge me and give me hope. No one in this company is taking the exact route that I am taking; some of them are no even aware of my particular route.  But when I let myself rest awhile with each of them, I experience bread for the journey, and often, strength for the day.

Another set of companions hovers over this sojourn–the “cloud of witnesses” that has been the agent of Grace that has brought me safe thus far: family members who imprinted me with Christian thought and practice; teachers and models who explained or embodied a “more excellent” way; previous generations of faithful ones whose legacy remains alive and compelling in my heart and life in word, song, and image.

I remain very clear that wherever I go, the Spirit goes with me and lives in me; She is my Teacher, with a voice behind me saying, as Isaiah observed, “This is the way, to the right, or to the left.”

So, as frightening as it seems to set out “alone,” I take this step, knowing that I am in good company, along with all those who read and muse on this blog. Let the adventure continue!

The Road Not Taken

17 Saturday Jan 2015

Posted by Elizabeth Nordquist in Uncategorized

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images

While I am getting ready to launch A Musing Amma here next week, I offer this image as an indication of the pilgrimage I am on that I will be sharing with you.

Traveling Mercies!

Amusing Amma

 

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